


Haunted

by Kml19



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Sorry if they are a little ooc, Suicide Attempt, Year after the books, all the warnings that come with andrew and his past, it has a happy ending okay, pretty much dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9343379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kml19/pseuds/Kml19
Summary: Without the yakuzas and deals and promises, the trauma finally catch up.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, it's my first fic and english is not my first language, if you see any mistake just tell me.

For Neil, it all started in that hot night. He was awaken by a sudden movement in the bed, which was in itself unusual since he and Andrew are still sleepers. It took some seconds for Neil to see the dark figure sleeping in front of him and it took a few more seconds for him to see that the dark figure was shaking.

"Andrew?" Neil called and waited for Andrew to wake up, but it didn't happen. The man beside him was still shaking in his nightmare.

"Andrew, wake up." He tried again but the response was the same. Worried, he sat on the bed to get a better look on Andrew and to his surprise, the other one wasn't just shaking, but was whimpering too.

"No...no...stop..." Panic started to fill Neil as he tried again to wake up Andrew by calling his name. When that still didn't work he started pondering shake him but that meant he would have to _touch_ him and that was something he couldn't do even on Andrew's best days, much less while he was asleep. He only came to a conclusion when he heard the other whimpering again.

"Stop...stop...please" Hearing the word Andrew hated so much coming out of his own mouth made Neil decide that he didn't care the consequences, he just needed to wake Andrew up.

"Andrew wake up! It's just a nightmare" He said while gently shaking the boy awake, Andrew's response was a fast movement making him stay on top of Neil with one of his blades in his throat. He was awake but his eyes didn't seem to see Neil.

"It's just me. Neil. You were having a nightmare and wasn't waking up." Neil explained. He saw the exact moment Andrew's eyes lost it's previous darkness, his breathing was fast and his hands (one in Neil's chest, holding him down and the other one holding the blade) were shaking. As fast as his first movement, Andrew got out of the bed and exited the room. It took Neil only five seconds to decide to follow him.

When he arrived in the roof he saw Andrew sit in the edge. He came closer to sit by his side but when the other one saw him, he indicated to him to stop. Neil stoped. They stayed like that for various minutes. Andrew trying to control his breathing and Neil standing looking at the big space between both of them.

"Go back to bed." Andrew said finally, his breath almost back to normal. Neil looked at him but the smaller one was looking at the floor, four stores down.

"No." He answered. He knew that the best he could do was let Andrew have his space but he just couldn't leave the other alone when he was at the edge (both physically and mentally) like this.

"Go back to bed." Andrew repeated but this time with a final tone in his voice. Neil sighed and, despite his instinct, obeyed.

When he got to the bedroom again he looked at the clock and saw _3:47 am_ written on it. He laid on the bed but didn't sleep until he saw the Sun appearing in the window and figured that Andrew had went for a ride to calm down.

 

For Andrew, it all started in that cold night when he was seven. Just like everything else, he remembered it perfectly. He was in his seventh week in the new foster home, sleeping with only a thin sheet in the cold weather (this house didn't worry much about buying him warmer clothes or new shoes).

He woke up with a hand on his month, he got scared for only a few seconds until he recognized his new "foster dad".

He should have noticed that the door was now closed.

He should have noticed that the man had already unbuttoned his pants.

In that first night he cried and screamed more than he had in his whole life. He was beaten a lot, cussed a lot, but that was something he had never been through. Only in the next morning he found out that he was alone with the man in the house.

It happened again three days later, he was crying even before the man got to his bed, this time he screamed so much that the man hit him in the head and he blacked out, when he woke up he was already gone.

The third time happened a week later, in the middle of it the man said:

"If you say please I will stop."

And he said it.

He said it exactly 17 times that night.

And he said it every time for the next eight months he stayed in that house.

Then he got into a fight in school with a boy who had touched his arm, and his foster mother decided he was "too aggressive" to stay with her. It took him five months to go to a new foster home. It took six months for it to happen again.

He screamed until he was 9, when he noticed that no one would listen.

He cried until he was 11, when he noticed it didn't make it hurt less.

He stopped feeling at all when he was 12, when he though he could survive through it.

That hot night was the first time he had a nightmare involving that since it stopped happening. It was very detailed, like he was 7 again. He didn't even know he was dreaming. He tried to fight it like every time but he was too weak. When he finally got the upper hand and was with a blade in the throat of his aggressor, the man said with a voice that wasn't his:

"It's just me. Neil. You were having a nightmare and wasn't waking up."

Then he could see the blue eyes and it hit him that he almost cut Neil's throat. He was going to say something but he found his throat dry and then his nightmare replayed in his mind. Without thinking twice he got up and left the room.

He arrived in the roof and went to the edge, his legs were weak so he sat down. He wasn't breathing right and he was shaking too much. By his peripheral vision he saw Neil getting close. _I didn't even hear him_. He lifted his hands indicating to him to stop.

Andrew was already felling that the roof was too small for him.

After minutes trying to control his breathing, he noticed that he wasn't going to make it with Neil there.

"Go back to bed." He said when he finally found his voice again. He couldn't take his eyes off a specific point in the ground underneath him, suddenly it looked so interesting.

"No." Neil responded. Andrew would have scoffed if he could. _He thinks I am gonna jump,_ was the first thing that passed in his head, then, _Am I gonna jump?_

"Go back to bed." He repeated because he couldn't think straight between his uneven breathing, his nightmare replaying and his skin crawling with the proximity of Neil. Andrew only noticed Neil had left when he heard the rooftop door closing.

He didn't know how much time passed until he could breath normally again. The first thing he did was backing off the edge of the roof. Andrew wished he could smoke but he had left it in the room, together with his car keys. Only the though of seeing Neil again made the nightmare come back to his mind, that made him angrier with himself because it wasn't Neil's fault. He needed time to think, so he got down and broke in his own car and drove to Wymack's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only in the first chapter we have two pov's for the same scene, the rest is either Neil's, Andrew's or Wymack's pov. If you like it please send kudos and left comments, they are always apreciated!


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support and comments! The second chapter is here, it is a little short so sorry! I will try to make the next ones longer

David Wymack was a man of routine. So at _4:30_ he was ready to his morning run, but stopped in his tracks when he saw a dark figure in his sofa. He grabbed the baseball bat near his bedroom door and turned on the lights. Andrew dignified him with a single glance before coming back to the whiskey bottle he had in his hand. 

"What the hell Andrew?" Wymack said putting the bat back in its place.

"Why do you have a baseball bat?"

"To hit people who invade my house! Like you!" Wymack said crossing his arms, only then he noticed the sweatpants and the old t-shirt Andrew was wearing. "Why did you come here still on pijamas?" Andrew kept drinking. "I will go out for a run then go shop for groceries. Will you still be here?" The man asked knowing he wouldn't get a answer to his previous question. Andrew looked at the clock on the wall before answering.

"No"

"Okay then." Wymack said and left, forgetting to get his coffee.

 

 

Andrew knew that Neil went out to run at 6 am, so he went back at the dorm at 6:10.

His plan was to get his pack of cigarettes, his lighter and the car keys, then drive to somewhere quiet, smoke and come back after a hour or so. But when he went to get the lighter in the table, he made the mistake to look at the bed. Memories of him and Neil there a few nights ago came to his mind (they were ready to sleep and Neil wouldn't stop staring at Andrew, when he asked:"Yes or no?") and started mixing up with his dream.

 _That is not how it happened._ He looked at his hand and noticed he was shaking. _Not again_ he thought already with difficulty breathing.

As a person with eidetic memory Andrew never had a problem with wrong memories and that only made the current situation worse. He grabbed his backpack, that was thrown in the room, and started putting some of his clothes in it. He took his lighter, the pack of cigarettes, the car keys and left, all the time thinking over and over: _I said "yes" to Neil I said "yes" to Neil I said "yes" to Neil..._

 

 

Wymack went back home and found Andrew seated on the chair in the kitchen, drinking coffee and with the newspaper in hands.

  
"What you doing here?" Wymack asked hoping that this time Andrew was going to answer. He didn't.

"That's my place." He said pointing to the place Andrew was. "And that is my coffee cup. And that is my newspaper." He said putting the bags with the groceries in the table. "Since when you read newspaper?"

  
"I don't. I did the crosswords."

  
"You did MY crosswords." Wymack said with a sigh. When he looked at the couch, he saw Andrew's backpack and also noted that he had changed clothes. "Seriously, for how long are you planning on staying?"

  
"I don't know. What are we gonna eat for lunch?" Wymack scoffed and searched the other's face to see if he was serious. Andrew didn't looked up from the paper.

  
"Meat." He said, resigned.

 

 

Neil went back to the dorm ready to see Andrew there but was welcomed to a empty room. He was holding a bag with ice cream he had bought for both of them and had to put it in the freezer because he knew how serious Andrew takes his ice cream.

On the way to the bathroom to take a shower, Neil noticed something was wrong. He was used to being paranoid with his surroundings, even more with his things so it wasn't difficult to him to notice that someone has gone through the drawers. He opened and noticed immediately what was wrong. _Andrew's clothes are gone. Stay calm, there's probably a good reason for this._ Neil picked up his phone (he remembered to charge it this time) and called his first speed dial.

The phone ringed but Andrew didn't answer it.

He tried again.

This time Neil heard the message right away.

Andrew had turned off his phone.

Neil seated on the bed uncertain of what to do. He decided to send a text.  
" _Where are you? Call me._ " He decided against sending _I'm worried,_ but he definitely was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Please comment and subscribe if you liked ;D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took some time but I made it! I want to give a warning that the chapters are a little graphic on the details of the past (it will keep being so in the next ones as well) so if you get uncomfortable it may not be the best idea to read it

_"You know how excited I get every time you cry like that?" The man said while kissing his cheek._

_"Say please..." He said while moaning._

_  
"...please..." He said between sobs._

_  
"Louder!" He said grabbing his jaw to make him look him in the eyes._

  
Andrew woke up covered in sweat, trembling and with difficult in breathing, just like happened for the past four days. As usual, it took him a few seconds to remember he was in Wymack's couch. He got up and left the house to sit on the asphalt. It was still 3 am so there was no movement in the street, but Andrew secretly wished there was. He stayed there until he heard something in the house that indicated that Coach had woken up.

  
"Up already?" Wymack asked just like he did in the past days. "You know, when Kevin told me he was going to spend his vacation with Thea I thought:'Some time to myself'." He said and waited for the accusation hit, but Andrew just reached for the milk in the fridge and drunk direct from the bottle. David sighed knowing he should have already given up on trying to get some reaction from Andrew. "Abby is coming today for lunch."

  
"Finally something that is not frozen."

  
"Hey! I fed you for the past days! Be grateful! And get a mug or something to drink this!" He said angrily while making himself a sandwich. The younger one didn't respond but got a mug and served the milk in it.

"Don't pretend I didn't notice that your sleeping schedule is like shit, the team will start practicing again in just a few days, and I want you in perfect condition, got it?" Andrew just got up with the mug in hands and went to the couch but before he could get there, the door opened with force to revel no one else but Kevin Day.

  
In normal days, the noise would make nothing to Andrew, but he was on the edge and tired, so when the door opened, the mug in his hands slipped and fall. The sound of it made both father and son look at the source of it not quite understanding what had happened.

  
Andrew could only look at the mug crashed on the floor and remember another mug crashed on the floor. The memories flushed in his mind just like it did when he woke up from a nightmare, he could already feel his breathing getting uneven.

  
"Andrew." Wymack said making his mind go back to the present. He didn't knew how many times he had tried calling to get his attention. Andrew looked to the Coach and then to Kevin and saw that them both were wearing the same worried expression. "Are you okay?"

Andrew didn't respond to that and, because he was a little masochist, crouched to grab the pieces of the mug. Both Wymack and Kevin stared in silence but Andrew knew that Kevin wouldn't stay quiet for long.

  
"I texted you and Neil to get me at the airport but both of you ignored me!"

  
"I though Neil had gone to spend some days with Matt?" Wymack said. Andrew didn't lied to him, he just let him assume that Neil had accepted Matt's offer to spend some days with his family.

  
"What? No, he stayed in town with Andrew. What are you doing here by the way?" But Andrew had already got rid of the mug pieces and was leaving the house.

  
He drove faster than he should, but he needed distraction from the things in his mind. He drove for ten minutes until he saw a kid and a man walking hand in hand the sidewalk and suddenly, it was like the car was three times smaller. He knew that this was how Neil felt every time his memories got the best of him.

He was having a panic attack.

  
He succeed in stopping the car and not hitting on anything, he got out of the car and sat on the ground.

  
_"I know you like it" No I don't._

_  
"I saw you exhibiting yourself in the kitchen" I was just grabbing the pieces of the mug I broke._

_  
"You are a fucking whore" STOP._

_  
Hands touching him._

_  
Sweat that wasn't his in his body._

_  
The floor wet with blood and sweat and tears and-_

A loud horn made him go back to himself, he had closed his hands so hard that his fingers were white. His breathing was still uneven and he was still shaking but at least now he could move. He caught his phone from his pocket, turned it on and called the first speed dial.

  
"Dr. Dobson's office."

  
"Bee." He said with a voice that was just a little more that a whisper.

  
"Andrew? What's going on?" She asked with concern in her voice.

  
"I can't...I can't..." _I can't get up, I can't breath,I can't sleep, I can't think._

  
"Andrew you have to calm down. Stop thinking about whatever you are thinking, focus on my voice okay? Breath in and breath out" She said controlling her own voice to pass more stability. "In and out okay?"

  
"Okay..." He responded weakly after a few more seconds of trying to get a hold of himself, already feeling his breathing getting back to normal.

  
"Andrew where are you? There's someone there with you?"

  
"No...no, I'm...I was driving..."

  
"Okay, do you want me to go and get you?"

  
" I will go there."

  
"Are you in condition to drive?"

  
"I'm okay now."

  
"Okay...I will wait for you." She said after a sigh and Andrew hung up. He put his head in his hands and let himself stay still for few minutes before going back to the car.

 

 

Neil got out of the shower and took care of not wetting the bedroom with his hair. _Andrew would kill me for practicing so soon in the morning._ That was how he spend his last four days, trying to ignore the terrible feeling of not knowing where Andrew was ( _He knows what he is doing_ ) , getting frustrated with himself for not accomplishing it ( _Why he didn't answer any of my texts or calls?_ ), deciding to practice to take his mind out for a little while, and then go back to thinking about Andrew again and repeating the cycle. The thing was, he was used to running, not to finding. He had no idea where to look, and calling Nicky or Aaron was out of question ( and probably would end up being unhelpful).  
His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening and he couldn't get there faster.

  
"Andrew where have yo-" He stopped himself when he noticed it was just Kevin. "Ah. It's just you."

  
"Really? You should check your phone for once, I called and texted you to get me at the airport!" Neil made a dismissive gesture and went to the kitchen. He saw Kevin's texts, he just didn't think he needed to answer since Andrew had got the car and there was no way for him to get Kevin alone. "You and Andrew just decided to ignore me and run away before answering." That got his attention.

  
"What did you say? About Andrew?"

  
"He also got out before answering about ditching me at the airport."

  
"You saw him?" Neil said ignoring the drama that Kevin decided to do today.

  
"Yeah." He answered putting his handbag in the couch.

  
"Where?"

  
"At Coach's." He said not understanding the reason of the question. "Did you said to Coach that you were going to spend a few days with Matt?"

  
"What? No. " Neil answered trying to understand why Andrew had decided to go to Coach's house, trying to remember every detail from their last day together to see if he could find where he fucked up so bad that Andrew had just left. But just like the other times he thought about it he came to the conclusion that the only think he noticed that he did wrong was waking Andrew up during the nightmare.

  
"Okay... Have you guys fought or something?"

  
"No Kevin, it won't disturb with our perfomance in exy."

  
"Okay then." He said happy to have his fears relived and went to his room. Neil didn't left his place just thinking over and over. _What the hell is going on?_

 

 

"How many hours did you sleep?" Betsy asked after giving Andrew his hot cocoa.

  
"Four or three hours." He answered staring at his mug like it would answer all his questions.

  
"Do you want to talk about the nightmares?" She asked already writing something down. Andrew didn't answer. "Have you talked to Neil?" Silence. "What do you want to talk about?"

  
"When was the last time you fixed something?" Andrew asked still not taking his eyes off the mug.

  
"I broke one of my glass figures recently and I glued it back. It's not perfect but is whole again. " Andrew looked up to see the figures and his eyes fixed on the one that was glued back.

  
"What if it breakes again?"

  
"I will fix it again."

  
"They are not nightmares." He said without looking away from the glass figure. Betsy was already used to his sudden changes of topic. "They are memories."

  
"You never talked about this."

  
"Because I didn't have it before. They are too perfect and I can't look away."

  
"And when you wake up?"

  
"I am disoriented. I can't breath and can't stop shaking. Every night the same thing."

  
"And today, by the phone?"

  
"Another memory."

  
"You had a panic attack because of it. It wasn't simply remembering something was it?" She asked knowing she was getting to the core of the problem, but Andrew didn't answer anymore. By the look on his face she already knew they aren't going to make no more progress today, so instead she talked about various things and he listened just like they did every time his feelings got too much of him. At the end of the consult she said to him to call if anything happens and he just nodded and left.

 

  
That night his dreams changed.

He was a little older, the man was another. He also remembered perfectly of that day. His new foster father said he had something nice to show him, to make him feel better after getting worried over a broken mug. He took him by the hand and guided him to the warehouse that was a little far from the house , from the other two kids and from the nice lady.

When he got there, the man pushed him to the ground and didn't waste time to take him out of his clothes. Andrew knew what was happening, nightmares of his last house still haunted him, he should have learned by now.

  
"You are a fucking whore. You wanted this don't you? You fucking like this." He said again and again.

He discovered after that even if there were two other kids in the house, they were girls and apparently Andrew was his type. That warehouse was his new particular hell for the next five months.

 

He woke up felling the same as the other times, his mind was racing and he could still feel _his_ hands on him. Andrew knew what he could do to make the sensation go away, the thing he did in the past and had sworn not to do again. His eyes lingered on his armbands against his will. _No, I'm not going to do this_. He laid down again and decided that there was no more sleeping for tonight. He tried really hard not to think about how he was going to go back to practice in a few days.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired and updated again :DD

Neil swore to himself that didn't matter how much it bothered him, he wouldn't go see Andrew. _He went away because he wants to be alone, so I will let him have his space._ But that didn't mean he was happy about it. Things were only worse by having to hear Kevin complain all the time.

“He is still not answering my calls! Neil go get him, we need to practice!”

 “You are too slow! You told me that whatever is going on between the two of you wasn’t going to disturb your performance!”

“You are not focused on the ball, Neil! How you play without focusing on the ball?!”

And Neil always responded with the same thing:

“Shut up Kevin.” Making Kevin mad was definitely good to distract him but it was not the same without the silent support of the goalkeeper. He also had to listen to everything Kevin said at the dorms, and he swore that if he listened about the backliner problem in the new Lion’s lineup one more time, he was going to seriously injury Kevin. He was saved by the return of the upperclassman that didn't hesitate to take him away of the agony.

“He is seriously that bad?” Matt asked while Neil took the place between the armrest and Dan in the girl’s room couch.

“You have no idea. It’s like he decided once and for all to be an ass.”

“Well if even you who is an exy addict says he is unbearable, I mourn for our last vacation days.” Allison said while doing her nails on the floor.

“He is being over dramatic because me and Andrew didn’t got him in the airport when he came back.” Neil explained while playing with the edge of his armbands already thinking of the one who gave it to him.

“Wow, Andrew letting Kevin wait, that is something you don’t see everyday.” Dan said laughing. “Talking about him, how was your vacation Neil?”

“You and the monster must have done a lot of romantic things.” Allison said with sarcasm in her voice earning herself a push in the arm from Renee that was by her side and a glare from Neil.

“It was nice.” He answered not looking in the eyes of his teammates. The silence that filled the room made obvious that they noticed that something was wrong.

“Did something happened?” Matt asked.

“No. Nothing.” Neil answered finally looking up. Dan arched her eyebrown at him, and the other matched her non-impressed face. “Seriously, it’s nothing. Everything is fine.” He regreted the words the moment they left his mouth.

“Oh, so it’s that bad.” Allison said already going back to her nails.

“It’s okay Neil, if you don’t want to talk about it then don’t. Just know that we are here if you need.” Renee said with one of her sweet smiles.

“It’s not that I don’t want talk about it, it’s that there’s nothing to talk about.” He said frustated.

“Okay...let’s change the subject then. Renee what did you do on your vacation?” Dan said after a few seconds observing him. The conversation continued but Neil wasn’t paying attention anymore. He took his phone out of his pocket (now he got the habit of always keeping it on) and searched for new messages. He had none. With a sigh he repeated his new mantra over and over in his head _It’s okay, everything’s okay_ but this time Andrew’s voice came together with a _Nothing is going to be okay_ , and there it went his resolution. He send a quick text to Coach to let him know he was going there later.

 

 

Andrew was starting to think over his decision on staying at Wymack’s house (thinking over, not regreting, he was not the kind of regret. He was not. He was not? In the past few days he was doubting even the little things he knew about himself.). His decision to go to Wymack’s house and not Abby was based on the fact that Abby asked too many questions, but not only he was seeing Abby much more than intended in Wymack’s house, as the Coach was starting to ask questions.

“Eat more Andrew, you are not eating enough.” Abby said when she noticed that Andrew was getting up to put his plate on the sink. Without answering he put the plate in the sink and went to the couch. It was getting harder and harder to stay close to Abby, she oftenly came still wearing a doctor’s coat even if the only working she was doing now was paperwork before the Foxes went back to practice. The white coat reminded him of _restrain in his wrists, blurry vision, drugged senses, hands everywhere,repeated words from different times,bites in his wrists and-_

Andrew closed his eyes and remembered Bee’s words of yesterday, _When you start remembering, don’t focus on it, focus on some object or try to find objects of a certain color, keep yourself busy with something else, don’t go too deep in your head._ He opened his eyes and looked at the tv, searching every detail he noticed in it, everything he could remember from it’s brand and from it’s type.

“Andrew, I’m talking with you.” Wymack said getting his attention. He noticed then that he was staring at a turned off tv, _Bee didn’t advised about spacing out even more while getting calm._ “I asked if you want to go with Abby to get your physical already?”

Now that was something he _really_ didn’t want. Undressing in front of someone was not something he could do now, not mattering if it was only the shirt that was getting off and it was just Abby. Even while showering he looked too much at his wrists and rubbed a little too hard trying to take an invisible dirt from his body. Then he said the first excuse he could think of.

“No. I’m sleepy right now.” Abby seemed to accept the excuse but Wymack narrowed his eyes at Andrew. To avoid his stare, he layed down at the couch and turned on the tv on a channel that was showing the new lineup of the Lion’s. Wymack only sighed and went help with the dishes, but before he could leave his phone rang.

“Neil’s coming.” He said after looking at his new message. Andrew sat up from the couch and simply went to his car keys. Wymack noticed him running away and grabbed Andrew in the arm before he could leave. “Hey.” The response was a fast moviment that ended with Wymack with his back at Andrew and a knife at his throat.

“Andrew!” Abby screamed. Andrew let Wymack go and backed a few steps from him.

“Andrew, what happened between you and Neil?” Wymack asked with a hand in his own throat to check if he was unharmed.

“Nothing.” Andrew replied doing a good job to keep his voice clear of emotion.

“Don’t tell me this bullshit that nothing happened when there’s definitely something wrong. Did Neil-...”

“Nothing happened between me and Neil.” Andrew said again interrupting the older man. “I though your paycheck didn’t extended to personal problems.”

“Andrew...” He said with a sigh. But Andrew didn’t heard the end of that sentence already leaving.

 

 

Neil knocked on Coach’s door feeling hopeful.

“Neil.” Wymack said as a greeting and let him in. Neil didn’t tried to hide his eyes searching every corner of the house. “I got surprised with your text.”

“Yeah...” Neil said not really paying attention when his eyes caught Andrew’s bag in the couch. When he looked back at Wymack, the man was observing him. With a sigh Neil talked again. “You know why I’m here right?”

“I have an idea. Will you tell what happened?” He asked and only got Neil avoiding his eyes as an answer. “I know that you and Andrew like to keep your relationship low case, but something bad happened between the two of you. And I want to know what, because it definitely wasn’t nothing.”

“It’s...I don’t know either.” Neil surrendered. “We were fine, and then he got a nightmare and just left.” Wymack frowned but stayed silent. “Where is he?”

“He left when I said you were coming.” Neil felt a pain in his chest at that and looked again at Andrew’s bag. “Just give him some time.” Wymack said. “You know Andrew, he will work it out.”

“Okay.” Neil said and left already feeling like running. Wymack closed the door and sighed, feeling like a dad with too many kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people saying Andrew's name... I appreciate any comment and kudos <3


	5. Chapter 5

Andrew drove the farthest he could without second thoughts, he only stopped when he was in an empty field, the sun was still shining and he remembered that it was just a little past noon. He lit a cigarette, sat on the car's hood and after the second cigarette, laid down. Because of the only few hours of sleep he got lately, he fell asleep.

 

 

That man had an urge to do it while everyone was still awoke and in the house. He wasn't his foster father or his foster brother, he was a family's friend that enjoyed spend some days and nights there. The first time he visited, Andrew recognized the looks he sent his way and for the first time he started practice fighting. He participated in street fights (lost every single one that year) (but by the time he was twelve no one his age dared to challenge him). One day when he was going out of the shower, the man entered and blocked the door. All preparation was useless. He choked him to make him stay quiet and not "disturb" the other four residents of the house. The second time it was in the guest room of the house, with his hand still in Andrew's throat he said:

_"I want to fuck you in every single room of this house"._

 

And he did it. His foster parents never asked about the marks in his neck.

 

He heard his foster mother saying that smoking was a slow way to commit suicide.

 

He started smoking.

 

 

When Andrew woke up, he couldn't breathe. He coughed a few times and tried to take away whatever it was that was holding his neck but there was nothing. After a few seconds of complete panic he finally started breathing again, in an uneven way. Shaking, he laid again and stared at the sky, his mind, for once, focusing on nothing. His mind went blank.

When he started thinking again it was already getting dark. He got down from the hood of the car and went for the driver’s door when he noticed a man standing a few feet from him. At first he was going to ignore it but he got the impression he knew the man so he walked two steps until he recognized the man’s face. He started walking backwards to the car not daring to take his eyes off the man.

“AJ”

That was all it took to make him go desperately to the door handle. When he finally got in, his shaking hands couldn’t make the key enter the keyhole. He risked a look front and saw Cass’ son walking calmly in direction of the car. He finally got the car started and rushed to the road. After getting back in the car flow he eyed the rearview to see the man left behind but instead he saw the man’s eyes in the backseat.

“Long time no see, AJ. Didn’t you miss your big brother?”

Andrew looked to the road again and felt Cass son hands touching behind his neck and without hesitation turned the car changing the lane. Strong lights illuminated his car when another one went in his direction, he accelerated to make the encounter come faster. _Come on, faster, crash already, kill him, die but kill him._ When the car come too close, its honk made him realize what he was doing. He turned the car again making it leave the road but didn’t hit anything. He stopped the car and looked to the backseat. It was empty.

_He’s dead. Aaron killed him. He’s dead._

Andrew took his phone and called Bee, not caring that she was probably already leaving the office.

“Andrew?” Instead of answering he heard her voice and let it calm him. “Andrew? Are you okay? Andrew?”

“Bee.” He said finally making Betsy let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Why now?”

“What?” She asked for once not following his line of thought.

“Why am I having this nightmares now?”

“Oh Andrew.” She said with a sigh. “I don’t know. It could be because something happened that triggered the memories or now that you have no promises holding you down, all that you’ve been trough is finally getting processed or it’s just the trauma coming without a warning.” When she was in the middle Andrew noticed that she probably knew why it was happening, she just wanted to keep talking to make him stay in the line. “What happened Andrew?”

“How do I make it stop?”

“I already told you that there is no way to make it stop. What happened traumatized you.” She said again answering the question that he already had done four times before. “You know your diagnosis right?” Betsy said again after a few seconds of silence. Andrew didn’t answer because it was obvious. “Your bipolar disorder make your life full of up’s and down’s. My professional opinion is that what you are going through is a depressive phase, that with your PSTD is very dangerous. I think you should start taking medication to ea-“ He hang up on her. He wasn’t going to go back to medication. His phone rang showing ‘Bee’ on the screen but he just throw it in the back seat and closed his eyes.

 

 

Wymack waited patiently to Andrew come back, it was 9pm already and he knew it was going to be difficult to wake up for his morning run the day after. He was worried about the goalkeeper even before Betsy had called him and said to him keep an eye on Andrew, but that definitely made him take the decision to stay awake and wait for him. The door opened and Andrew was going to the couch when he stopped and saw Coach.

“Andrew, we need to talk.” Instead of a reply, Andrew caught his bag and went to the door. “I’m not going to ask what is going on.” David said making Andrew stop. “I am just going to ask if you think you are okay to the practice tomorrow. If you say you can’t go then I will let you not go until the freshman start coming.”

“I will go to the practice.”

“Are you sure?” Wymack asked. The blond only stared until David sighed and stand up. “Just know that if you need, you can leave the practice okay?” He said at last, knowing he wasn’t going to get a response. It wasn’t enough for the older man but he knew it was what he could do for now.

 

 

When the practice started Neil tried to hide his disappointment in seeing the coach come alone. After a little discussion on the team play and the freshman they left to the court. Aaron and Nicky had just got back from their travels with their respective lovers and Nicky couldn’t shut up about the amazing time he had with Erik. After the run around the court they put on their gear and started throwing balls at Renee. Two minutes into this and Andrew appeared already with his gear on, went to the goal without a glace to anyone, including Neil.

For the rest of the practice Andrew talked to no one and seemed particularly determined not to look at Neil. Kevin screamed at him a few times even if he was defending the goal pretty well, but he didn’t reply. They still had five minutes of practice but Andrew suddenly sent Renee back to the goal and went to the locker room. Neil didn’t know what to do but when he looked at Matt he made a very clear signal to Neil follow Andrew. He went and expected Coach to stop him, but he did not.

“Wait.” Neil said making Andrew stop taking off his gear.

“What.” Andrew demanded resuming his action, getting it done without looking at Neil, but he kept his t-shirt and waited, looking at the lockers.

“What is going on?” When Andrew didn’t answer he felt all he had been holding for the last days coming up. “I just want you to tell me what I did wrong.”

“What makes you think you did something wrong?”

“Are you serious? You have been avoiding me, not answering my calls or my texts. You left without saying anything and now, when I finally get to see you, you won’t even look at me.”

“Forget it.” He said simply, getting up and going to the showers.

“No, I won’t leave you alone until you tell me!”

“It’s not your fault.” Andrew said finally looking at Neil in the eyes. Only now he noticed Andrew’s dark circles and something about his eyes made Neil feel broke inside. He opened his mouth to say something else but the other went to the shower without looking back. With a sigh Neil went back to the court.

 

That night the dream was different.

It wasn’t a memory. He wasn’t a child in it.

It wasn’t any of the guys that featured Andrew’s recent dreams that was in it.

He was in the dorms. He said ‘no’. But Neil didn’t want to hear it.

 

He woke up shaking and wet with sweat but the most worrisome thing was the nausea that came in his throat. He ran to the bathroom and vomited the little he had eaten in the toilet. After finishing he sat on the bathroom floor trying to stop shaking and waiting to see if he had woken Wymack.

He still felt hands in him. Neil’s hands.

He felt like a twelve years old again, he put his hands in his face and noticed he still hadn’t stopped shaking.

He could still hear breath in his ear. Neil’s breath.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He was sure now that Wymack was still asleep.

He felt like a twelve years old again, so he did what he did when he was twelve years old and didn't think his body was his anymore: He took one of his arm bands off, and, using one of his blades, cut himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, I want to say that I am not an expert in psychology expert so sorry if what Betsy said wasn't 100% accurate.  
> I also want to say that you can find me on tumblr: nothingleft19.tumblr.com (it's not a aftg exclusive, I post about all the fandoms I 'm in, and it is a lot. But you can talk to me there, ask about the fic, talk about it or just scream at me or whatever ;))  
> Also comment what you think, anything is welcomed


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually a little relutant to post this chapter like this, but I decided to do it. I wrote it a little different to make it possible to see what Andrew is thinking without making it his pov. Hope you like it. (the next one will be normal again.)

The next days were a blur to Andrew. He tried to sleep the least possible, thinking even least about his surroundings.

He knew that Wymack was observing him, paying attention to his every move. He tried really hard to pretend that his eyes weren’t bothering him, he really tried, but eyes following him were something he didn’t associated to something good.

(He didn’t know anymore what were that warm feelings he used to have when he noticed Neil’s eyes on him).

Every session with Betsy now was him simply emptying his brain while she talked

(He tought she was talking, some sessions she only wrote and observed).

Observed. That was the key word of his days now. They observed him and wrote. They observed him and stayed away. They observed him and stayed quiet.

He was being unfair, he knew that. He chose to stay quiet. To be the wall that holds the others and don’t feel anything. No. He didn’t choose to don’t feel anymore, it just happened. He doesn’t remember anymore when. Funny. One thing he didn’t remember. He hoped it was something terrible so that he could feel good to forget it. But that was the problem. He didn’t feel anything inside. Outside was another story.

He feels the hands in his body. He feels the breath in his ear. He feels the moment he was violated. He feels his own blades in his skin. He feels the eyes observing him.

Observe observe observe.

Ah, there’s another thing he didn’t remember anymore. Why was he cutting himself? Was it to take his body back? Was it to feel alive? Was it to feel his age again? Was it to feel again? There was a reason. A good one. Maybe it was to end this once and for all.

No. He didn’t want to die. He had people here. People had him here.

Aaron, Nicky, Kevin, Neil.

Neil.

Aaron needed him. Didn’t he? He had Katelyn. But Katelyn couldn’t protect him. Katelyn didn’t _kill_ for him. No. She showed and said that she loved him. That he couldn’t do.

Nicky needed him. Didn’t he? He saved him from those guys. He would have _killed_ for him. But Nicky couldn’t look at him in the eyes for a long time after that ‘incident’ in Eden’s twilight. Nicky was friendly, he talked even with a tree if they let him. He made anyone want to defend him.

Kevin needed him. Didn’t he? He was spineless, he couldn’t stand up for himself. Who he needed to stand up against? Riko was _dead_.  The Moryamas didn’t want him _dead_.  He had exy, his precious exy.  He would live as long he could enter a court.

Neil didn’t need him. He had the foxes. He had his own name. Neil Abram Josten. He had exy. He would be Court. He would win everything and die of old age.

Observe observe observe. Someone was observing him. He knew. He could feel it.

Didn’t matter how many times he checked the bathroom door. He knew someone was observing him. The hands. He could feel the hands. The eyes and the hands. The blood in his wrists should make it easier but it didn’t worked. What should he feel with the cut? He really was forgetting a lot of things.

Noise. They are going to kill him. He noticed how Wymack looked at him. How Matt looked at him. How Nicky looked at him. They are going to kill him. No. They are too weak. But they weren’t the ones bleeding in the bathroom’s floor. But they wanted him dead. He knew. He saw how they observed him.

Observe observe observe.

Neil. When was the last time he talked to Neil? They talked yesterday. They kissed yesterday. They had sex yesterday. No, they didn’t. It was a dream. But it was his scars he saw while screaming. Or maybe it was Cass’ son scars.

Wait. Bee had said that he couldn’t keep not saying their names. They were humans not faceless bodies. Humans you could blame, you could _kill_ , you could hate. Faceless bodies you couldn't. When he stopped thinking about their names? They were there somewhere in his mind, he knew it.  After all he didn’t forget. But for some reason he couldn’t say it. Couldn’t think about it.

More noise. He could hear a man’s voice. Maybe it was the man who liked to choke him. No, he already did it in the bathroom, he never repeated a room. Then maybe it was the doctor.

Yes, probably was the doctor. It would explain why the room he was in was all white. Good, at least this time he didn’t put anything in his wrists.

Wait, he was bleeding. _Ah_. Wymack’s bathroom. He was in Wymack’s bathroom.

A voice. Someone saying his name. Calling. Why call if they could observe him?

The voice again. If he focused maybe he could make it out what it was saying. But he was too tired. _Too tired_.

“Minyard!” It was Wymack knocking on the door. “The dinner is ready.” He said. Andrew was lucky today. There was no blood in the floor. He got up and cleaned his arm. Put the armbands again and left to eat what he could from dinner.

 

 

The next days were bad  to Neil. He knew something was wrong, Andrew looked too tired and too pale. Nobody in the team said nothing, he couldn’t understand why. He asked Matt if he had noticed and he replied:

“No, didn’t see nothing different. But I don’t know, he isn’t the sharing type right?”

_No, he isn’t._

Andrew just arrived late and left before anyone else in the practice. Didn’t talked with anyone, not even Renee. He still played well but Neil and Kevin could see his movements slowing as the days went by. He tried to talk to him a few times but he always just left without a word.

Niel asked Wymack if he could help, but the Coach said that whatever was going on, only Andrew could fix.

That didn’t make it better. Actually just made it worse. He admitted that _something_ was wrong. Neil couldn’t take the image of Andrew having a nightmare out of his mind. _Maybe he is having trouble sleeping? Why didn’t Dobson helped him already? What is she waiting for?_ He was taken out of his thoughs when Matt talked to him.

“You are right, something is wrong. I remembered what you said during the practice and observed him. There’s definitely something wrong, he seems out all the time. And not the Andrew's normal out.” Neil nodded, agreeing. “Did you talked to Coach?”

“Yeah, but he said that it was something only Andrew can fix.”

“Then you have to wait to see.”

“No, I don’t want to wait and see! I’m tired of everyone telling me to wait! I’m worried about him. He helped me, I want to help him too.”

“Then talk to Betsy.”

“I’m not going to talk to her about my problems.”

“I am saying you should ask about Andrew. She probably won’t say much because of that patient-doctor thing, but maybe she can help.” _How hadn’t Neil though about this?_

After getting her number from Matt he went back to the dorm and called.

“Dr. Dobson’s office.”

“Hello, it’s Neil”

“Oh Neil. This is a surprise. What can I help you with?”

“Can we meet later?”

“You want a appointment? I have a free-..’’

“No. I just want to talk. About someone else.”

“Okay. Meet me at my office at 5 o’clock.”

“Okay.” He said and hang up.  Neil didn’t know if talking with Dr. Dobson was going to be helpful but honestly, he was desperate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah...lame ending :P I hope it was clear to see that, in Andrew's part, the writing is kind of messy because it is following his thoughts. Please share what you though about it ;))


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making you wait....

“You can come in.” Dr. Dobson said when Neil hesitated on the door. He had the impression that in the end he was being dragged to an appointment with the psychiatrist. "Want hot cocoa?" She asked after he sat.

"No, I just want to ask you something."

"Okay, and what that would be?" He had thought about what he was going to ask a lot, knowing that depending on the question he may not receive a reply.

"Why you are you doing nothing to help Andrew?" He knew that the question was harsh (and Betsy was surprised by the question even if she hide it) but Neil was never the type to hold onto his tongue.

"You think I am not helping him?" She asked, not offended.

"Obviously. He still..." He trailed off, not really knowing how to describe Andrew's condition. 

"Still?" She asked not satisfied by his half answer.

"He still refuses to talk to me, and he looks like he hadn't been sleeping."

"It bothers you that he isn't talking to you like before?" She asked crossing her legs.

"Of course it does. I tried to-..." Neil interrupted himself noticing what she was doing. If it was two years before he wouldn't have even started talking. With sigh he started talking again. "I am not here for an appointment, I just want to know if I can do anything to help Andrew." Neil saw briefly a sad smile appear on Betsy's face but it was gone with a blink.

"Just being there for him is enough." The look of disbelief must have been strong because Dobson explained herself. "I can't talk about Andrew's condition neither what he says to me in his sessions. What I can tell you is that, support is the best way to help someone going through hard times."

"That's not enough."

"The rest isn't in your power. You can't blame yourself for his condition and support can only make a situation better, not worse."

"Why are you talking like something terrible is going to happen?"

"That isn't in my control either. I can guarantee you that I am doing my best to help Andrew, just like I have always done." Neil knew that she wasn't going to say more. But God he wanted to know the details of what was happening. Saying that only Andrew could get himself out was easy, but what if he needed _help_? Being by his side was something Neil didn't planned to stop doing anytime soon, but why it felt like it wasn't enough? _Why it felt like he was already losing him?_

With a signal of thanks, Neil left the office and went back to the Fox tower. He wanted to sleep (he was doing it in Andrew's bed while he was gone) but he heard laughs coming from the girl's room and decided to join the upperclassmen in whatever festive time they were in.

"Neil! How was it?" Matt asked when he saw him entering.

"I...honestly don't know." He said with a sigh. "I think that instead of helping she made me more confused."

"What happened?" Allison asked, curious.

"Nothing yet." Neil answered. "I'm just afraid something will..." He said not above a whisper. With a sigh he met Renee eyes. "Did you talk with Andrew?" 

"No." She replied with an smile that passed to Neil the sensation of pity. "I tried yesterday but he didn't want to hear me." Silence filled the room and tension found it way to Neil's shoulders. 

"You know what? Let's drink." Alisson said already going to the fridge.

"Yeah!" Dan said getting one of the bottles of beer from Alisson's hand. She handed one beer to Neil.

"Okay." Neil said getting the bottle. He now drank with the upperclassmen as well, but still not to the level of getting drunk.

Matt started saying some joke about something that happened to him, a joke Neil didn't get but laughed anyway. The others followed his lead and started telling jokes and Neil found himself understanding what Dr. Dobson had said.

 

 

“So, how was your day so far?” Betsy asked Andrew and got nothing as answer. He was looking to the floor but his eyes weren’t focused on anything. Minutes passed in silence until Andrew finally spoke.

“Stop.”

“What?” Bee said not understanding.

“Stop.” He repeated still not taking his eyes off the floor.

“Stop what?”

“Stop… _observing_ me.”

“Why? It is bothering you?” She asked, curious. He didn’t answered. “Andrew…does it bother you if I look at you?

“You are not looking…you are observing me.”

“I am just looking at you because we are having a conversation.”

“No, you are observing me.”

“Andrew, I want you to understand that this is a symptom of your disorder, you are being paranoid. I am not observing you. The other people also aren’t.” Andrew looked up but instead of looking at her, he eyed her glass figures.

“It broke again.” He said and Betsy knew he was referring to the glass figure she had glued together the last time but now was with a part missing.

“Yes.”

“You didn’t fixed it.”

“I couldn’t this time.”

“So why it is still there?”

“Because it doesn’t matter if it’s broken, it is still beautiful.” Andrew looked intensely at the figure as if it was a puzzle he was trying to solve.

“No, it’s not.” Before Betsy could answer he got up and left.

 

 

Andrew knew from the moment he got up in the morning that he shouldn’t have left the house. After a nightmare that made him throw up in the bathroom, he didn’t ate breakfast and hold the urge to lock himself in the bathroom until Wymack left to meet Abby. At the time that his session with Bee came, he felt the floor tilting under his feet but managed to get there without an major incident. The real problem was the practice after.

As he did lately, after parking at the foxhole court he waited a few minutes in the car knowing he was missing the team’s meeting. When he was sure that every teammate was already practicing, he entered and changed into his gear. While assuming his position in the goal he managed to dodge Renee’s hand that went to his arm and didn’t stop to see her reaction.

A few minutes in, he noticed that his reaction time was terrible, making him miss almost every single ball thrown at his direction. He then noticed that his vision was going blur and decided it was time to leave. He went in direction of the court’s exit but he felt the floor tilting again.

“Minyard?” He heard coach’s voice near him before collapsing. Everything went dark.

 

 

Neil felt that everything went in slow motion. His eyes were following Andrew when he was leaving so he noticed when it looked like he was losing his balance. With furrowed brows he started walking in his direction.

“Minyard?” Coach said, standing near the blond one. Then he fainted.

Wymack was able to hold him before he hit the floor, and Neil was already by his side. Wymack took Andrew’s helmet off and started shaking him slightly. “Andrew. Andrew.” When that didn’t work he turned to his players that were now around him. “Go get Abby.” Dan was the one to respond. Neil couldn’t take his eyes off Andrew’s pale face. Abby came running and kneeled beside Andrew and Wymack. After a quick check she looked at Coach.

“We have to get him inside.” Wymack stood carrying Andrew and before anyone could say something he signaled to the court.

“You all go back to the practice.”

 

David put Andrew in the little bed on Abby’s office and looked at her grabbing scissors and cutting the t-shirt Andrew’s was wearing above his gear. Then procced to take his gear off too, leaving him only with a black shirt.

“It’s probably just exhaustion. Did he eat anything today?” Abby asked.

“He didn’t ate breakfast.” Wymack answered passing his hands in his face. “So he just need to rest right?”

“I think so. But just to make sure, I’m going to take some blood to run a few tests.” She said taking one of his armbands off. In the middle of the action she stopped. “David.” She said not looking up from his arm. The arm she was looking at was obstructed from his view by his body, so Wymack had to take some steps closer to see what she was looking at.

David Wymack knew about Andrew’s scars.

He had seen them once by accident in Andrew’s first year with the Foxes. So the scars he saw weren’t a surprise. What made him stop was the red lines in the younger’s forearm.

There were five new cuts.

One of them had a little of dry blood on it.

A little hesitant, Wymack took off the other arm band.

There were a lot more of new cuts there.

He stopped counting at eleven.

He closed his eyes and sat on the chair beside the bed.

“We should call Betsy.” Abby said after a shaking breath.

“He is at my house now. All this time…” Wymack said not opening his eyes. “I will call her.” He said leaving the room. He, then, saw all the Foxes waiting in the locker’s room. “I told you all to continue the practice.”

“What happened?” Aaron asked.

“He just need some rest.” Neil went to the door of Abby’s office. “Wait.”  Wymack held his arm.

“I want to see him.” Neil said looking at him in the eyes. Wymack let him open the door.

 

Inside, Neil saw first Abby, with an injection in hands, she looked surprised to see him there.

Then Neil saw Andrew. His first step was interrupted by what he saw in Andrew’s forearm.

He didn’t know what to do. His mind was full and empty at once, trying to connect the dots and trying to make sense of what he was seeing.

“Neil.” Abby said, and that was the trigger. He left the room but was stopped from leaving the Court by Coach’s hand in his arm.

“All of you go back to the practice.” He said leaving no room to discussion, Nicky and Aaron hesitated before leaving. “Listen to me.” He said making Neil look at him. “You can’t freak out. You knew that the thing between the two of you wasn’t going to be easy. You knew that it wasn’t going to be easy with Andrew. You can’t do this in the middle ground okay? Just like he helps you with your demons, you have to do the same for him. You will go back to the practice to think this out and make a decision. You won’t run from it.” He let go of his arm. Neil was glad that Wymack let him went back to the practice without him having to say anything, because he was sure he couldn’t form phrases right now. Instead of going back to the drills he was doing, Neil started doing laps on the court, ignoring the fact he had his gear on and his racket was still in the place he dropped it when Andrew fainted.

 

After a few minutes Nicky got cramp, and Abby went to apply spray on his leg. When she got back to her office Andrew was gone.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I will post the next chapter soon...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this chapter was longer, but then I thought it was too much for only one chapter so I divided it in two. I ended up with this chapter and the next one, that is shorter...

Now that the aftershock passed, Neil could make sense of his thoughts. The first thing that he felt was guilt for _not being able to help, for not noticing, for doing nothing_.

Then he felt angry, _with himself, with Betsy, with those bastards who made Andrew come to this point._

Then worry, _will he do it again? Will he end himself?_

By the sixth lap he was sure of only one thing: _doesn’t matter what happens, I will stay by his side, I will help him._

 

Abby entered her office after helping Nicky and went back to the Court only seconds after. She walked to the Coach and whispered to him.

“Andrew’s gone. His car isn’t in the parking lot either.”

“What?” Wymack said before he could control the volume of his voice. “Betsy said that he couldn’t be left alone until she got to see him.”

“Do you have any idea of where he could have gone to?”

“No…” Wymack said with a sigh. When he looked at his players, he saw that they had stopped playing. “Why did you all stop?”

“What is going on Coach?” Dan asked and only then Neil stopped running and also looked at Wymack.

“Andrew left.” The older man said. The Foxes didn’t seem to have any problem with that, with the exception of Neil, that widened his eyes. “Do any of you have any idea where he could be?”

“What is the problem if he left? It’s Andrew.” Allison said.

“Look…” The Coach said and exchanged a quick glance with Abby. “I need to find him. Something happened and I need to talk to him. Nicky, Aaron, Kevin, Neil, any ideas?”

"What happened?" Aaron asked. 

"I just need to talk to Andrew, do you know where he could be?" Wymack said with a sigh and he could already feel some of the Foxes starting to get suspicious.

“Neil must know.” Nicky said and everyone turned to him. Neil hesitated not knowing if it was a good idea revel something so personal about him and Andrew, but the look in Wymack’s face and the memory of the cuts in the goalkeeper’s arm won.

“Normally he goes to the roof of the Fox tower.” The moment the words left his mouth, it was Abby’s turn to widen her eyes.

“Okay.” Wymack said trying to sound calm. “If he’s not there, anywhere else he could be?”

“He may be driving.” Neil said with a shrug.

“Alright, the practice is over, see you all tomorrow.” He said and left before Kevin could say anything.

 

 

Andrew was gripping at the steering wheel like his life depended on it.

He woke up at Abby’s office and upon seeing himself without his armbands and without his gear he panicked. _They took it off and I didn’t noticed, they could have done anything and I wouldn’t be able to do anything, they may have done something…_ His panic made him unable to find his armbands again so he just left without then, and now he almost crashed the car three times because he was distracted looking at his forearms.

Andrew didn’t know where he was going, he just hoped he didn’t have to go back. His mind was so full that it was difficult do anything.

_They know_

_They saw it_

_There’s someone observing me_

_Coach knows_

_It’s too hot_

_Abby knows_

_Someone is touching me_

_They could have done anything with me_

_NeilknowsNeilknowsNeilknowsNeilknowsNeilknowsNeilknowsNeilknowsNeilknows…_

**_How could I think I could protect someone?_ **

Andrew stopped the car and noticed he was in Wymack’s building parking lot. _Muscular memory._ He entered the apartment and went to the kitchen. Halfway through a glass of water he heard a noise.

 _Steps_.

Frozen in place, Andrew only paid attention to the sound.

_More than one person._

Then he heard the voice.

“Andrew” he called singing. Andrew didn’t moved a muscle, but could feel his heart beating faster. “Son, where are you? We should go to the warehouse have some fun, what do you think?” He said laughing. Slowly, Andrew opened the cutlery drawer and grabbed an knife. His hands were shaking and sweating but his grip was firm.

“Better yet” Said another voice. “I didn’t do you in the sofa yet, have I?” Andrew turned around to look into the man’s eyes but saw nothing.

“If you say please, I will make it quick, and who knows? I can make you enjoy it too.” Said another voice near his ear, ending with a lick on his cheek. Andrew turned, already stabbing whoever was there but found no one.

“You are weak. Look at you, I don’t even need to tie you down to make whatever I want.” Said another voice.

“My little brother wouldn’t say no to me, would he? Right AJ? You would deny nothing to me.” Said another voice accompanied by a tug at Andrew’s hair.

Andrew ran. He ran to the bathroom and locked the door. He sat on the bathroom’s floor, the further he could from the door and covered his ears with his hands. He had forgotten he was with a knife in his hands and he might have cut himself while doing so, but he didn’t care, the only think in his mind was the _names._

“Hey, Andrew. We already did it in the bathroom remember? The first time! I always knew you were going to be an good whore, but that was amazing!” _Samuel_.

“I know you missed me, boy. If you don’t cry this time I might even let you clean yourself after.” _Steven._

“I see you didn’t broke anything today, so I will be gentle.” _Jesse._

“Even if I wasn’t being paid I would do it. You are too good at this to not enjoy it. I mean, you have loads of experience.” _Proust._

“Mom will be so happy to know we get along. We can be a family and stay together forever, AJ. Then I can get to see you every day.” _Drake._

The voices were starting to mix up together but Andrew’s brain didn't stop from informing him to whom voice each belonged to.

_SamuelJesseProustDrakeJesseStevenDrakeSamuelNeilJesseProustWymackJStevenDrakeMattJesseSamuelStevenNickyProustDrakeKevinSamuelStevenDrakeNeil…_

He also heard knocks on the door followed by the frenetic turn of the doorknob. He didn’t know how long he stayed still. It felt like hours, days, years.

 _Open the door_ the voices said. The only thing Andrew wanted was silence, and finally the weight of the knife called his attention. With a trembling hand, he put the knife in his left wrist and made a cut. It was not as clean as the others, making it draw more blood than usual and it ended with a longer and curvier line than the others. He took a deep breath and went for his right wrist.

 

Wymack looked at the Fox towers floor by floor, almost knocked in every single door to know if someone saw his player. He ended up with nothing, and after driving in the areas near the University he noticed it was in vain. If Andrew wanted to disappear right now he could. With a call to Abby to say he was going to wait home and a text to Neil to let him know that he wasn’t going to let anything happen to Andrew, he went back home.

When he got in his apartment the first thing he noticed was that the door was unlocked.

“Andrew?” He called. He saw that the couch was empty so he went to the kitchen. He saw the open drawer and the half full glass of water and stopped. “Andrew!” He called again looking at the drawer to see if something was missing. It was easy to see that a knife wasn’t there. Alarmed, the man looked at his room first before noticing the closed bathroom door.

“Andrew, open the door.” Wymack said knocking and testing the doorknob noticing it was locked. “Andrew Joseph Minyard, if you don’t open this door right at this instant, I’m going to break it.” The silence was his answer. “Shit.” He said and started forcing the door with his shoulders, knowing his bathroom door wasn’t going to resist for too long. After a few tries the door finally gave in and Wymack could enter the bathroom.

Andrew was sitting with his back to the opposite wall. He had the knife in hand starting to cut his right wrist, his left one was already bleeding. With a speed of a former athlete, Wymack kneeled in front of the goalkeeper and took the knife from his hands.

“Jesus, Andrew.” He said grabbing one of the towels that were hanging and tied it in Andrew’s left wrist to stop the bleeding. He tried to fight it but David’s hold was strong. Andrew finally looked up to Wymack and the Coach almost didn’t recognize him. He was in absolute panic, trembling, sweating and his breathing was short-winded. “Jesus Andrew.” He repeated. But before he could say anything else, Andrew startled and looked at the door.

“No no no no…” The blond one said quietly. David turned to look at the door and saw that there was nothing there. Andrew started dragging himself further into the wall like he could make himself pass through it.

“Andrew! Hey, look at me.” Wymack said positioning himself between Andrew and the door, obstructing his view of it. “There’s no one there. It’s just you and me here.” But that only seemed to only make his panic rise. He held up his hands putting them in Andrew's field of vision and talked again. “I’m not going to touch you. I’m not going to hurt you okay?” He said and Andrew’s focus stayed on Wymack’s hand for a few seconds before snapping to an empty corner on the bathroom, and whatever he saw or heard made him shake his head and cross his arms on his knees and hide his face in it.

Wymack looked at him for a few minutes without moving, noticing that he hadn’t stopped shaking and that the blood was making a wet spot on the towel. He got up, took the knife and whatever he could find in the bathroom that could make a cut, and walked until he was a little far from the bathroom but could still watch Andrew. He grabbed his phone and called Betsy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated :))


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It got longer than planned...hope you all enjoy it!

The minutes before Betsy got to his home were definitely one of the most tense in Wymack's life. He stayed at his spot a little far from the bathroom but kept his eyes on the boy sitting on the bathroom floor.

He remembered all his first impressions of Andrew. First when he saw his file. _This kid is problematic and very good at the goal._ It was enough for him to go offer him a place in the Foxes (after making a voting between the players since his file and the rumors are very clear about his violent tendencies).

Then the first time he saw him personally. At the Subway, with a manic smile and cutting words. _This kid is dangerous._ It was a fast tough, he knew it was a judgement based by appearances and the kind he swore never do with his players.

Then the first time he saw Andrew sober, or the sober he could get between his pills. It was one of the times he broke into his apartment. It was night on a weekend, Andrew should be sleeping so that was why he didn’t take his pills. Wymack was shocked to see that apathy on him, and, strangely, they played chess. The Coach noticed how smart and how good his memory was for the first time. _This kid is broken._ And for the first time, he got angry at Andrew’s meds.

Once, Andrew had asked him why he wasn’t afraid of him after everything he did, and he answered that he couldn’t change what he did in the past, and the only thing that mattered was where they stood now and went from now on. He never wanted more to change the past.

Wymack knew that the Foxes still think that Andrew was some kind of psychopath, and even himself had got used to the idea of an untouchable and invincible Andrew. That night at Columbia made him notice that Andrew was actually a human just like everyone else. But that look on his eyes when Wymack took the knife from his hands was something he wasn’t going to forget anytime soon. He wasn’t only a human and broken, he was scarred for life. He didn’t look like the Andrew he knew, he looked like a kid with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Yes, Andrew had a bloody past. But for the first time David asked himself how much of that blood belonged to Andrew himself.

He didn’t feel pity. He didn’t feel pity for any of his Foxes. He helps them to fight back, helps them to show the world that they are worth it, helps them get over their past and look to the future. He feels like he had failed.

The knock on the door took him out of his thoughts. Andrew didn’t move a muscle. Wymack opened the door to a agitated Betsy.

“He’s on the bathroom.” He said in a low voice.

“What happened?” Betsy asked, also in a low voice, after looking at the direction of the bathroom and seeing Andrew sitting on the floor. When Wymack called he only said that it was urgent.

“I got here and he was…he was cutting himself. I managed to stop him from doing it in his right wrist, but then he looked at the door and started panicking like there was something there. I got his attention for a little while but he heard or saw something and stayed like that since then.” He finished indicating the other’s position with his hands. Wymack saw some unshed tears in Betsy eyes but she took a deep breath to compose herself and went to the bathroom. The Coach went to the kitchen and started making some coffee for the sake to have something to do, he couldn’t make out what Betsy was saying but could hear her soft whispers.

 

 

“Hey there.” Betsy said and sat on the closed toilet bowl. Andrew didn’t moved from his position. “Andrew.” She whispered softly knowing he could hear her. “What happened?” To her surprise, he lifted his head without opening his eyes and propped it against the wall. His brows were furrowed and he was shaking.

“I…I can’t…” He trailed off. They stayed in silence for a little while before Betsy started talking again.

“Andrew, I’ll put you in the hospital.” Andrew swallowed but didn’t open his eyes. He knew she wasn’t talking about putting some bandages in his wrists.

“Do I have a choice?”

“What you did today was a suicide attempt, you know that right? It was different from your others cuts. You also hallucinated and refuse medication. That is enough reason to a involuntary psychiatric hospitalization.” Betsy said knowing she should have done it sooner, the only reason she hesitated was because she knew what happened when he went for rehab, she knew that a hospitalization could make it worse, but the case was extreme. “I will supervise all of your treatment. This is absolutely necessary.” They stayed in silence for a few more seconds and Betsy noticed the furrow in Andrew’s brows get deeper. “Andrew, what are you hearing?”

“Their voices. All of them”

“What are they saying?”

“Things they said before. My brain is not creative.” He furrowed his brows again. “And also…”

“Also?”  She asked when he stopped. Andrew put his hands in his ears as an answer. “Andrew, they are not here. It’s not real.”

“I know…”He replied just above a whisper.

“Andrew, are they saying you should kill yourself?” Betsy asked and Andrew put his head again against his arms on his knees. She grabbed her phone from her pocket and send a message to Wymack.

_I’m going to take him to the hospital._

                                                                                    ** _Okay, I will talk to the others_**

_You don’t need to do it now, I can go with you talk to them tomorrow._

**_No need. I will tell them. If you need anything call me._ **

She didn’t press the matter because she knew he felt the need to talk to his players as soon as possible. She also knew that he probably wasn’t going to go back alone. Betsy needed to decide if she was going to wait Andrew calm down first (and probably end up having a conversation with someone she didn’t know he was ready to right now) or take him to the hospital now. It was a tough choice.

 

 

Neil walked the area near the university looking for Andrew knowing that he probably wouldn’t find him. He went to the Fox tower and after a little of inner debate went to the roof. He shouldn’t be disappointed when he found himself alone there, but he did. He stayed there a little and then went to his room.

Kevin was in his laptop watching a game and turned to look at him when he entered.

“Come here.” He said indication the free spot on the sofa by his side.

“I’m not in the mood to watch a game right now.” Neil said hoping his annoyance appeared in his voice.

“Seriously, what is going on? You know that in three days we will have the freshmen here and you will be assuming your position as vice captain. You can’t be distracted all the time like you are now!”

“Shut up Kevin! It’s not my fault you can’t see past your noise and the Exy racket! Exy is important to me too. I will always give my best in the games and practice, but right now I have a more important thing in mind.”

“What is more important than Exy? Your life literally depends on it! You can’t have anything else in your mind!”

“I’m not a robot! My life can depend on exy but I’m not living just for it! You should-…”Neil was interrupted by a knock on the door and fuming, he opened it. Wymack had already moved to the door on the side knocking on it and doing the same on the other making all members of his team go in the hallway.

“Coach. Did something happened?” Dan asked and Neil was already fearing the answer.

“We should get into one of the rooms” He said entering the girl’s room and everyone followed. Once the door was closed, the older man looked at every one of his players.

“Coach! There’s blood on your clothes.” Dan said alarmed making everyone look at his clothes. There was a little blood in his pants thighs and on his shirt, he looked at it and became apparent he hadn’t noticed it before. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah…listen.” He said but took a little more seconds to talk. “Andrew is gonna leave for a while.” All the Foxes were too shocked to say anything at first. Neil felt like the world tilted sideways.

“What happened?” Nicky asked.

“Is he getting arrested?” Allison asked earning a glare from Renee. “What? It is possible.”

“No…he’s…he’s going to be hospitalized.” That earned more response. Aaron, Nicky and Dan talked at the same time asking what happened.

“He got into a fight?” Matt asked.

“Shut up.” Aaron said with a glare.

“What? Mad that your bodyguard won’t be here?” Allison said with venom on her voice. If there was still doubt that she was still mad at Andrew for almost breaking her neck for hitting Aaron, it was clear now that yes, she was still mad.

“Will he miss any game?” Kevin asked.

“For God’s sake Kevin! Andrew is hurt!” Nicky said.

“Maybe he can still defend the goal if it isn’t too-…”He was interrupted by Wymack.

“No, he won’t be here for a few games. No, he didn’t got into a fight. And no, he’s not okay.”

“What happened?” Renee asked.

“Andrew tried to commit suicide.” The room went still. Kevin and Matt shot looks at Neil but he was too busy trying to remember how to breath. “Betsy is getting him admitted today.”

“You can’t lock him up. Not again.” Neil said for the first time.

“Neil…” Wymack said with a sigh.

“No. You can’t do this. Not after last time.” He said before he could stop himself. Some of the Foxes looked with confusion at him, but Neil kept his eyes at Wymack.

“I found him bleeding in my bathroom floor.” Wymack said looking at Neil also ignoring the looks send his way. “It was pure lucky that I made it in time to stop him. Next time we may be not fast enough. If admitting him will make it not happen again then so be it.”

“When will he come back?” Nicky asked with tears in his eyes. The Coach glanced at his way before looking at the floor.

“They don’t know.” Aaron said with a scoff.

“These things don’t have a determinate time. But I will request a leave for the University so that when he’s finished he can come back, and if he wants, sign with the Foxes again. In three days we will have new players coming so the number of players in the team won’t be a problem. I will do my best to keep this from the press but I can’t guarantee anything so I want you to be ready if any question pops up.” He said and looked again at every single shocked face. “I know this may be too much for you but I want you guys to be there for each other. And I’m sure Andrew will be back in no time.” He said and went for the door. While going down the stairs he noticed that Neil was following him and stopped.

“I’m going with you. I want to see him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Neil just keep looking at him until Wymack sighed and resumed walking. He grabbed his phone to see a response from Abby (he messaged her on his way to tell her everything) and warn Betsy that he was going back with company. 

 

When they got home Betsy was waiting by the door.

“Neil.” She said as a greeting but the boy was looking around.

“Where is he?”

“In the bathroom.” She said with a soft smile. After he went, Wymack turned to the psychiatrist.

“Is this a good idea?” Betsy only smiled as answer.

 

 

Neil didn’t know what he imagined in the way to Wymack apartment, but definitely wasn’t this.

Andrew was sitting with his arms and head on his knees. There was a little blood on the floor and he could see it in the towel that was tied on his left wrist. Neil suspected that the door was supposed to stay open so he just sat on Andrew’s side by the wall, the space between them was big, and looked at the door noticing that Wymack and Dobson had probably went to the kitchen.

They stayed in silence a few seconds that seemed like hours.

“You know,” Neil said finally. “I don’t think you are weak.” Andrew didn’t moved from his position. “You are the strongest person I know. After…after everything that happened to you, you still let me get close. That’s why I think…I think you will get over this. You will be able to come back.” Neil looked at the other. He wasn’t sure if he was even listening. “You are important to me in ways not even I understand yet. You were the first one to tell me to stay, so I’m going to tell you: Come back. I will wait for you no matter how long it takes.” Still no movement from the other. “And I’m sure Nicky won’t shut up without you here and Kevin will only bother me now at our night practices and…and…I will miss you.” He said with a low voice. After being sure he wasn’t going to get a response from Andrew, he got up and left without talking to Wymack or Betsy on his way out.

 

 

Andrew went calmly with Betsy to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the scenes Wymack remembered are from the Nora's extra content (like the names from the last chapter).  
> And I can't tell you guys how much your support and comments make me happy!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for make you wait for this one. I only took the names of the freshmen from Nora's extra content, their personality was random. Hope you enjoy the last chapter!

Neil was thrown against the wall in a definitely foul move which made the referee stop and give the other team's player a card. Neil looked at the score and the 9-5 was still there showing that the Foxes still weren’t able to turn the game. With a sigh he looked at his teammates, Kevin was screaming at someone (maybe him), Alison and Aaron were actually screaming at each other while Matt tried to make one of the freshman pay attention to the game, Renee was visibly exhausted but they couldn’t take her off the game. She wasn’t perfect in the goal but their other option was the freshman who for some reason had some kind of stage fright (which meant that she basically couldn’t move during a game with actual audience). The game was going again, but only for a few more seconds before one of the other team's player started a fight with Dan.

Neil wished he could say that he didn’t get why the other team was so determinated on fighting them if they were winning but he understand it. The Foxes had roasted some of their players a few weeks ago on a press conference (okay, Neil did it) and now they were after blood. The season was going bad for the Foxes, for very little they didn’t got eliminated last game. They couldn’t lose this one.

Neil also wished he could say that there was a specific reason of why they weren’t working as a team this year like they did last year. But it was various factors that made them a disaster this season. The freshman out tuned from the older Foxes was one of the reasons, another one was Neil’s incapacity as vice captain to have patience with them. There was also the fact that, without their ‘leader’, the monsters couldn’t be more lost.

Neil also wished his mind didn’t go there, but it was normal by now. Andrew stayed in his mind every time he wasn’t on the court (sometimes even when he was there).

Andrew was gone exactly 178 days ago. Every day Neil went to the roof of the Fox tower to smoke and hope that the next time he went there, he would have company. He tried to talk to Betsy but in the days she was there, she refused to discuss Andrew’s treatment.

Neil could point three days that were the hardest for him.

The first one was the one that followed Andrew’s hospitalization. He wasn’t living in the same dorm as the blond since a few days but the realization that he really wasn’t there hit him hard that night. He stayed sitting on Andrew’s bed wearing one of his sweaters that he hadn't taken to Wymack’s house and didn’t sleep.

The second one was day thirty two. Neil had a nightmare with knifes and eyes like his. When he woke up sweating and with hard breathing, there was no hand on the behind of his neck to calm him down. It took him minutes to make his breathing go back to normal. He didn’t sleep in that night either.

The third one was day eighty one. All the Foxes, with the exception of the freshmen, were drinking in the girl’s room. They were all trying to choose a film to watch when Kevin started mumbling about their terrible score on the last game.

“It wasn’t even a team from the top 10! And we lost 13-8! Matt, you clearly weren’t focused on the game!” And he went on and on. Until one sentence made every Fox stop moving and maybe, even breathing. “Without Andrew we have no chance in defending the goal for more than half of the game!” The silence took over for a few moments before Allison broke it.

“Stop being an ass Kevin! Renee is doing her best in the goal. When your precious pet come back you can annoy him again!” Neil was ready to snap at her but Kevin cut him.

“He is not coming back.” This time the silence was shorter.

“What are you talking about?” Aaron said getting close to Kevin even if their height difference didn’t make him look too threating (he didn’t have Andrew’s ability to make himself look bigger with only his aura). “Of course he is coming back!”

“No, he’s not.” Kevin answered with a little difficulty showing he had too many drinks already. “He said to Betsy that he doesn’t want to come back to PSU. I heard her talking to Coach.”

“You’re lying.” Neil said with ice in his voice.

“No, I’m not. She said they wouldn’t take him off from the university yet but that she isn’t creating expectations on him coming back.” He said and took a big sip from his vodka bottle. Aaron left the room with Nicky in his tail. Neil started having another panic attack.

The loud noise indicating the break of the game pulled Neil out of his thoughts. With the rest of his team he went to the locker room. Maybe the foxes weren’t acting like a team because one of theirs was missing. Maybe they were unbalanced.

Wymack was able to keep his promise of not letting what happened to Andrew leak to the press. There were a lot of rumors related to Andrew’s absence, most of them involved him in jail and they all involved his ‘tendency to violence’ and his ‘instability’. The freshman had gave up asking after Dan gave them a speech about minding their own business (maybe it was something more than that but Neil only liked that part). Now sitting on the locker room hearing Coach talking, Neil let himself miss Andrew at his side with his calming presence.

“We need a better defense.” Kevin said with gritted teeth.

“I don’t know if you noticed but we are doing our best ok?” Matt said.

“We need a better defense.” Kevin repeated looking at Coach. Wymack stared back and after a few seconds of silence he looked away with a sigh.

“Just go there and kick their asses just like you did in the press conference okay? Independent of the score right now, fight until the last second.”  He said looking at the defeated faces of his players.

After five minutes in the game Wymack indicated to Renee leave, making a substitution. Neil heard Dan make an indignant noise by his side that matched his feelings. Their freshman would only make things worse in the goal. But then he saw the person entering the court.

Neil could recognize that 5 feet frame even before seeing the three in his jersey. He could hear the older foxes gasping and the freshmen behind him asking who the new goalkeeper was. But Neil couldn’t take his eyes off him moving to the goal.

That was when everyone saw the Minyard written behind his jersey.

The cheers got louder. The freshman, the foxes and the opposite team could only stare. With a quick glance, Neil noticed that Kevin was smiling. Andrew hit his racket on the goal with force making everyone on the court flinch and get out of their trance. Neil looked at the other foxes and after a few shocked glances exchanged he felt a smile creep on his face as well. The old Foxes also smiled and positioned themselves for the game.

The other team didn’t make a single point during the rest of the game.

The foxes won 15-9.

The final of the game came and the Foxes started hugging each other and when they looked at the goal, Andrew was already leaving.

After going back to the locker room the team could finally ratiocinate what had happened.

“What is Andrew Minyard doing here?” Jake, one of the freshman asked incredulous.

“He came back two weeks ago.” Wymack said making Neil freeze.

“From where?” Robin, their new goalkeeper asked hoping this time they were getting a answer.

“It doesn’t matter.” Dan said with a glare to all the freshmen. “Why you didn’t say anything?”

“He didn’t want it. He has been in my house and wanted to practice.”

“Andrew wanted to practice?” Allison said with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Wymack said smiling. “Kevin has been training with him the past few days. Now, go take a shower, you all stink.” Wymack said unceremoniously. He pointed at Dan and Matt indicating that it was their turn to talk to the press.

On the whole way back to PSU, the freshmen asked about Andrew (and only got sarcastic or vague answers) and the old foxes pointedly ignored Neil. He was grateful for this because his mind was full at the moment.  But his questions were kept unanswered until the next day.

 

At the practice, Wymack was midway in his speech about the last game when Andrew came in. The silence lasted only a few seconds.

“Glad you joined us.” Coach said. Nicky got up and went in Andrew’s direction opening his arms as if to hug him.

“Don’t you dare.” Andrew said, simply, making Nicky stop and drop his arms. He smiled at the younger one anyway.

“Alright, all of you put you gears and go to the court.” The coach said, and they all started moving when Jake spoke.

“He is practicing with us?” He said pointing at Andrew.

“Of course he is. Got a problem with that?” Wymack said crossing his arms on his chest.

“You gonna put a guy like him on the court with us?” Jake asked.

“What are you implying?” Matt asked, curious.

“He is a psychopath.” Neil thought that the old Foxes didn’t have the right to look as offended from Jake’s statement since they called Andrew that and worse on the last year but they looked like they were ready to fight him.

“He saved your asses yesterday.”Wymack said, preventing the start of a fight. Matt had put a hand on Neil shoulder not exactly impending him from attacking Jake but as a warning to him to not get aggressive right now. Neil looked at Andrew who was looking at Jake with his head tilted to the side, but aside from this not expressing in any way that he was even participating in the exchange.

“You talk like he is some kind of genius.” Ryan, another freshman said.

“Because he is.” Kevin said. “He is better than any of you.”

“What about this,” Neil said, tired of listening the freshmen’s doubts. “You try to score against Andrew, if you make one point then we will listen to your bullshit.” The five freshmen looked surprised at the challenge and glanced at each other. To Neil’s surprise, Wymack didn’t put a stop in this.

“What do you say Andrew?” The older man said. Andrew raised an eyebrow and started walking in direction of the court.

“Wait, you are not going to put on your gear?” Robin asked making the blond stop and turn an apathetic glance to her.

“I’ve seen you playing yesterday. I don’t need it.” And resumed his walking. Neil saw Wymack trying to hide his smile, but the foxes weren’t so subtle.

Once the freshmen were ready all of them went to the court where Andrew waited holding his racket with a bored expression. Robin stayed on the sides together with the other Foxes who were already doing bets.

The next twenty minutes were a pure massacre. The four players threw the ball at every possible angle, and even began to make a few plays that Kevin was teaching them, but Andrew blocked every single shot. And to worse their misery, he made the ball go to the other side of the court every time just to make them run all the way there to get it back. Exhausted, the freshmen were getting slower and Andrew hadn’t sweated a single drop.

“Throw the fucking ball at us!” Jake screamed when the ball made a line to the other side again. The other Foxes saw his mistake the moment the words left Jake’s mouth.

The next ten minutes the freshmen had every ball threw back directly at their bodies. Money started passing between the Foxes watching and Neil noticed a gleam in Robin’s eyes when she looked at Andrew playing, he could relate. Wymack sighed knowing he had to stop the practice if he didn’t want any of the new players getting hurt, after he stopped them, Matt laughed and screamed at Andrew that was walking in their direction.

“You were going to break them, that’s why we can’t have nice things.”

“If they were nice, they wouldn’t be any use to us.” Neil said not taking his eyes off Andrew who only nodded slightly before getting into the locker’s room.

The rest of the practice went as if there hasn’t been almost six months since they last saw Andrew. The freshmen had a few bruises from their practice and didn’t make any commentary in Andrew’s direction for the rest of the day.

Andrew didn’t look at Neil not even once since he came back.

When the practice ended, Andrew left fast, not giving any chance to Neil to talk to him. Matt send a solidary look his way and Neil managed a weak smile in response.

 

 

Andrew felt like the last 178 were…honestly, he didn’t know what to say about them. The first 17 days were a blur. He slept, ate, took his medicine, went to group therapy, stared at the wall, ate again, took more medicine, talked with Bee and then went to sleep. Actually there were different ‘activities’ every day of the week, but he couldn’t remember actively participating in them.

On the 18th day, he managed to block the door of his room impeding anyone from getting in, and held a broken glass against his wrist. He was actually impressed he could make it this far without trying to do it again. But, for some reason, his hands were shakier than usual. For some reason, he couldn’t make the cut deep. For some reason, between the voices from his abusers and the thoughts of despair, he could hear that idiot’s voice saying _Come back_. That hesitation created time enough to Betsy and a few nurses, who looked like bodyguards, manage to get into his room. Andrew didn’t looked up from his hand that was trying to make a cut, but he knew that Bee impeded the nurses from getting close to him. She kneeled in front of him and very slowly took the broken piece of glass from his hand. When the piece was gone, he looked at her and she didn’t say anything, just looked back. For some reason, that was too much for him.

For the first time since he was 11, he cried. He cried for his seven year old self that tried to fight but was too small and weak, and that believed in Steven to keep his word and stop if he said please. He cried for his nine year old self that got dragged to the warehouse almost every night and that started believing Samuel when he said that he was a whore. He cried for his ten years old self that got choked and abused by Jesse while there were other people in the house, that noticed that not even the red marks on his neck made his foster parents pay attention to him. He cried for his twelve year old self that got so enchanted to the idea of having a mother that he was willing to break himself over fighting back Drake. He cried for his twenty year old self that wasn’t able to fight back again when Drake reappeared. He cried for his twenty year old self that was too drugged to do anything while Proust raped him, that could only remember from who Proust was taking every single one of his words, that could only push his wrists against the restraints harder. He cried for himself now that had finally reached the bottom. He cried for all the broken promises. He cried for all the times he hadn’t cried before.

The next 15 days he felt more empty than he had his whole life. It was like before he was walking on glass, knowing what had happened to him, being able to see it, and now that glass had broken and he could feel what all that meant. For the first time he told Bee that he didn’t want to go back to play again.

On the 34th day he had an manic episode.

On the 37th day they changed his pills.

On the 38th day he punched another patient.

On the 43th day he was empty again.

On the 44th day he didn’t got up from the bed neither talked to anyone.

On the 45th day they made him took more pills.

On the 50th day he said to Bee he wasn’t going back to PSU.

On the 70th day Bee asked if he was sure he didn’t want to go back to PSU. He said yes.

On the 75th day they asked if he wanted visitors. He ignored the question.

On the 83th day Bee asked again if he was sure he didn’t want to go back to PSU. He didn’t answer.

On the 91th day he told Bee that he had let Neil touch him a week before the nightmares began.

On the 100th day he managed to sleep a whole night.

On the 123th day Bee asked again if he was sure he didn’t want to go back to PSU. He said he didn’t know.

On the 134th day Wymack visited him.

On the 164th day he went to Wymack’s house.

After telling Wymack he wanted to meet Kevin to practice, he started going to the court every night. He also went to the Foxes games but remained unseen. He knew that the coach had started putting his name on the list of the players even if he didn’t plan on playing. Then one day Wymack asked if he could play. Andrew looked at the court, looked at the score and then went to put his gear on.

He avoided any conversation with the Foxes and was mildly impressed that he still had a ‘monster’ image. After his first practice with the Foxes again he went to the Fox Tower and smoked on the rooftop. When it was starting to get dark, he heard the door opening. Without looking, he took another cigarette and extended his hand holding it by his side. After a few moments of hesitation, Neil took the cigarette without touching Andrew’s fingers.

Andrew smoked two more cigarettes before he decided talk again, knowing he wasn’t going to regret it, because he wasn’t the kind of person to regret something.

 

Neil didn’t know what to say. He really wasn’t expecting to find Andrew at the rooftop. He knew he should say something but he feared that the space between him and Andrew wasn’t just physical.

“I am now taking four different kind of pills” Andrew said suddenly. “There are days I don’t sleep at all and there are days I don’t get out of the bed. Now I have sessions with Bee two times per week.” He looked at Neil’s eyes for the first time. “It’s still a yes?”

Neil stared dumbly at Andrew. He could see the lights of the parking lot illuminating Andrew skin showing his dark circles, clearer than before. He was skinnier than normal but looked healthier than when he left. Finally his words made sense to Neil and he couldn’t believe it. Not even in his wildest dreams this happened. Feeling tears on his eyes that he refused to let drop, Neil smiled the brightest he had in months (maybe in his whole life).

“It’s always yes.” Andrew kept looking at him and Neil knew what he was thinking. _Pipe dream._ So he looked back trying to show how much he meant what he said.

“Idiot.” Andrew said with a scoff. Neil couldn’t help but laugh a little. He didn’t try to reduce the distance between the two of them. He didn’t try to kiss Andrew. He didn’t try to touch him. But he knew they were that far only physically. He knew Andrew was going to be okay. He knew he could breath again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank all of you who read this fic, my first one, even if it is unbeta'd and it's not a masterpiece. All your comments and kudos make me want to work harder to improve my writing and write more. I'm really thankful that you enjoyed this, and I hope you like the ending as well. LOVE YA'LL <3<3


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